Best Gambling Quotes: Short and Funny Sayings

“Yeah, man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.” – Norm Macdonald

Gambling addiction is a serious issue, but the late comedian Norm Macdonald made a career out of making light of serious issues. His joke above highlights the highs and lows that come with betting.

“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Another well-known comedian to joke about betting was Rodney Dangerfield. As was often the case, Dangerfield made himself the butt of the joke by emphasizing his bad luck. This joke is a great one to share with other players, especially if you are in the midst of a cold streak yourself.

“I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.” – Mitch Hedberg

Continuing the trend of comedians with funny casino quotes, here is one of my favorite jokes from Mitch Hedberg. This joke about real-money blackjack embodies Hedberg’s deadpan style and quick one-liners that have helped him maintain his popularity long after his death.

“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton

Comedians are not the only ones with short, funny gambling quotes. Many well-known gamblers have also passed their wisdom on with amusing sayings. Jack Yelton, a well-known high roller, reminds players that the house edge always gives the casino the upper hand with this humorous quote.

“A gambler never makes the same mistake twice. It’s usually three or more times.” – Terrence “V.P. Pappy” Murphy

The best gamblers are very smart, but, as this funny quote about casinos from V.P. Pappy shows, most bettors are not born with that knowledge.

It takes a certain amount of stubbornness to be great at anything, especially gambling. Unfortunately, many gamblers struggle to change bad habits that cost them money. The best players eventually learn the best ways to win, even if it takes them a few tries.

“Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who says he is, is either a liar or doesn’t play poker.” – Amarillo Slim

Amarillo Slim’s contributions to the game of poker made him one of the most famous players in the world and earned him a spot in the Poker Hall of Fame. The phrase above is one of Slim’s most well-known quotes. It hammers home the idea that even the best poker players in the world cannot win every hand they play.

“Poker is a hard way to make an easy living.” – Doyle Brunson

This immortal quote from Doyle Brunson highlights the tricky nature of poker. It looks easy when you’re winning but making the game your career comes with many ups and downs that few can handle.

This funny poker quote from the late Doyle Brunson encapsulates the challenges of being a professional poker player.

“The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.” – Julius Weintraub

Poker and poker chips go hand-in-hand, but as this quote from Julius Weintraub alludes , the chips are what allow players to bet on the game. They also give the casino a way to profit from not just poker, but many other table games as well.

“If luck weren’t involved, I would win every time.” – Phil Hellmuth

Rounding out my list of funny gambling sayings is this quote from poker legend Phil Hellmuth. According to the Poker Brat, if not for luck, no one could beat him at poker.

This quote, in addition to being funny, also reminds players that even the best players using the perfect strategy can and will lose. A version of this quote also appeared in the “Casino Night” episode of The Office.

“Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.” – Anon

Lottery games offer exciting, progressive prizes and, as a result, they are extremely popular. However, these prizes are nearly impossible to win, and the house edge is way too high. The challenges with winning the lottery are summed up in this anonymous quote.

“Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks. It says: ‘Goodbye.’” – Frank Sinatra

Frank Sinatra was one of the most beloved musicians of the 20th century, and his ties to Las Vegas played a significant role in his success. Ol’ Blue Eyes is credited with the quote above, reminding everyone that the house always wins.